The more I slow down, the more I feel my tiredness... The more I let go of the 'what', the more aware I can be of the 'how' (read last week's post if this doesn't make sense).

Today's Musing is going to be short and sweet.

I have friends visiting this week, staying in their own place. And I'm observing HOW I balance my energy in their very lovely presence. 

I learned recently that Martha Beck, who pretty much started the life coaching movement, was dying many years ago with several, apparently incurable, autoimmune diseases. She realised that - as is the nature of autoimmune dysfunction - her body was destroying itself. So she asked,  what was she doing that was so fundamentally 'against' herself that her body would attack itself in this way?

She bought a small digital watch and set a timer to beep every 30 minutes. And every 30 minutes she asked herself,

'Am I being completely honest with myself right now?' 

Every time she realised she had gone against her truth, to please someone else, to fit in with expectations or society's conventions, to not disappoint, or simply because she was so used to always saying yes, she stopped, and adjusted her course to come back to her truth.

Often this meant disappointing someone, saying 'no' where before they could have relied upon a 'yes', going against her upbringing and culture - and it resulted in the end of her marriage, complete disconnection (for a while) from her entire family, and the loss of her job, friends and social network. Some may say this is a high price to pay. But too high for truth, for life? Maybe it's the price that HAS to be paid.

So, while I'm far from having to be this extreme, I am inspired to check in and be honest. Having run retreats and hosted friends, family and students for many, many years, I'm conscious that this has taken a lot of energy. It has taken a toll on my health. And now that I've finally made the decision - and public statement - to stop, my body is slowly starting to release its pattern of running-running-doing-doing, which in turn is giving me space to feel what lies behind the adrenalin and cortisol. 

And I'm finding that the 'no', the 'would you mind driving today', the 'I'm going to take a day at home for stillness with the cats', comes quite readily and easily. 

Of course my friends are deeply loving, highly evolved, wonderfully compassionate and understanding, and so are an easy audience to practice on (plus they are already a few steps ahead of me at feeling and expressing their own 'no' - cherishing time in their garden and pool, and simply being together in stillness or silliness, as the mood takes them). 

I'm grateful for today, for these weeks, for this deep tiredness. And today, as I started my new moon cycle, I'm enjoying, without guilt, anxiety, or a need to validate, a quiet day at home. It's not exciting, or sexy, or glamorous. It's totally unproductive (apart from this Muse). But it's necessary and it's pure bliss. 

That's it. Pure and simple. 

Perhaps today is a day of action and completion for you, in which case, go for it! We need those days too! 

But maybe, just maybe today is the day to share your 'no' with the world - without apology - and just settle into the rest, stillness, nourishment that your body is asking for. With or without cats... 

If you want to find our more about finding your truth, take time to listen to this Tim Ferris podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert (I've mentioned it before and actually it's won awards for being such a massively awesome podcast - it's worth listening to for sooooo much more than finding your 'no').

Enjoy your day, embrace your 'no', deliver it with confidence and love (I adore Liz's story about how the amazing Byron Katie delivers hers....), and settle in to your truth, and what you need, not just today, but right now.

All my love,

Sara

As always, PS - if you would like to receive these Musings hot off the press when they go out to my list (fb is always at least 1-2 days later), you can sign up to my community for Musings and news here : www.discoveryourdepths.com/newsletter.

Thank you for following me and my journey, as I adventure through the inner and outer worlds of life!